As I write this I’m sat in one of my partners beds watching birds eating seeds from the feeder that hangs from their first floor window. I always loved the way they talked about how revelatory it was when they moved into their housing co-operative and experienced for the first time the feeling of agency to make simple choices about your living situation. The joy they experienced at putting a nail above their window without having to consider their landlords rules and the simple connection to nature that our human made systems are so often void of.
This week trans people have faced another blow to their human rights, under the guise of the rights of cis women who face the same ongoing violence and control by the oppressive systems and constructs that TERFs seem so desperate to protect. Witnessing cis women celebrate the demonising of trans women and playing straight into the hands of the patriarchal propaganda is a painful mindfuck to say the least. But I found solace in the fact that as the news about the supreme court ruling landed with me emotionally when I was sheltered in a trans-centred co-op, with my non-binary partner, experiencing the kind of care and connection that most humans are deeply deprived of within our capitalist society.
It's my belief that we are at a transition point in human history where the more we exist in our joy, the more we claim our freedom, the harder the patriarchy will dig its claws in to grip hold of the power that is being dismantled. It will feel like we are reverting. Marginalised groups will experience more visceral harm at the hands of violent people fuelled by fear. It’s going to be hard to maintain faith and hope and love in the face of domination, so we must find our own sanctuaries to hold ourselves steady in the fight for justice. The path to liberation is unfurling, but it is long - finding ways to rest and reconnect is going to be vital if we are going to keep going.
Here are just a few simple sanctuaries I’ve had the joy of experiencing recently.
Cultivating the land
The land is abundant. And working it reminds me that the scarcity system I’ve been raised in the result of greed and control. Reducing my paid work and spending a day a week at Pingle was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. But even if it that type of regular land work isn’t accessible to you finding little ways to reconnect with the natural rhythms and fruits of plant life can serve as a reminder of what is possible and what is true.
This weekend I helped a partner plant potatoes in their little allotment that they rarely have the energy to go to because of the pressures of daily life and I witnessed their house mate planting little seedlings in their greenhouse made of old doors and windows. Earlier in the week I tasted bread made from local grown wheat near Birmingham. We can make micro-choices that inch us towards a better system even if we don’t have the means to be cultivating the land directly ourselves.
Ceremony and rituals
This year I observed Ramadan and it was a lesson in the grounding nature of ritual and ceremony in the face of discomfort and turbulence. The process kept me steady through the intense highs and lows of securing our home, it stopped my brain from churning in the face of uncertainty, it boosted my capacity to access faith and hope. It made me appreciate the importance of the prayer structure within Islam, those moments to step away from whirl of life and reconnect with strength, peace, love - whatever it is that we need to keep moving through the world in a conscious and connected way. Again perhaps this type of commitment isn’t accessible to you. But there are all sorts of mini rituals and ceremony we can bring into our lives.
I am forever grateful to one of my best friends for introducing me to the power of tea ceremonies. Each Monday we will sit together in silence with a tea, feeling mesmerised by the way they pour the water and the way the steam rises, and cleansing my mind and body with a medicinal plant that has been part of many cultures for many centuries. I don’t know the intricacies of tea in the ways they do but this week I did a few makeshift ceremonies with friends as I travelled around the country and having a simple way to demonstrate love and care was profound.
Movement
There is a healing in movement practices for everyone, but for a trans person there is something so profoundly liberating in moving my body with joy. A few weeks ago I experienced complete euphoria through dancing for hours at Adonis with a group of cis gay men. The affirmation my spirit felt through being seen and experienced in that way unravelled all of the pain and angst I’d been feeling throughout the rest of the week.
We need to move as much as possible in order to teach the body the feeling of freedom. And it doesn’t have to be deep. Dancing in our bedrooms, stretching the limbs we’ve forgotten all day while sat at computers, climbing trees, playing ball with kids or dogs. Here’s my latest playlist to move to.
Submitting to the hands of a lover
As a queer, trans, relationship anarchist I count my blessings every day. The sheer amount of pleasure my body can access is so far beyond the confines of many people’s existences. This week I had three different people help me connect into the peace that is possible when you are completely disarmed during sex, the white bliss that fills your brain and body, the silence that enters in those intimate moments in spite of the chaos in the outside world.
In a society so void of love and care, it’s hard to make time to show love and care for ourselves and those around us, but it is what will keep us alive. And it is a force that only grows. Love and connection is the only way we are going to become stronger than the oppressive forces that dominate our world - and cultivating the kinds of little moments and acts I’ve spoken of in this post all add up to something more powerful than we can possibly imagine.