I often find it hard enough to read someone on a in-person date, so sexting has always felt a little nerve-wracking for me. Plus I also struggle to feel my boundaries during sex and often need my partners to check-in with me lots, and this type of thing can often feel forgotten when someone’s getting carried away over text.
At the same time I love to know the specifics of what someone enjoys in sex… someone that gives me good details of what it is that turns them on is one of my biggest turns ons.
So when I had a mindblowing experience with someone in Amsterdam I wanted to find a way to keep the sexual chemistry alive for a little longer, and created a little sexting game for us to play together. I’ve played it multiple times with multiple people now and it feels like it creates a wonderfully safe container while encouraging expansive possibilities that push people to engage beyond the basics. So I thought I’d share it for more people to enjoy together:
How it works
The aim of the game is to explore fantasies and understand one anothers boundaries and preferences and reach a mutually fulfilling conclusion - this is open to interpretation.
Decide who is going to be the story teller. The story teller sets the scene and follows it with a question such as "We had a wild night last night and you are still fast asleep. How would I wake you up?"
They then give their partner 3 options to choose how they would respond.
A. Wrapping my arms round you from behind and kissing you on the back of the neck
B. Bringing you the best coffee you’ve ever had
C. Climbing on top of you
The story teller must then continue the story based on what the reader has chosen. Offering more choices as you go.
If your partner doesn’t like any choices offered they can suggest a 4th choice or pass and the story teller has to redirect the story. If there is two passes its game over.
The reader also has one switch card they can play where they become the storyteller.
You each get points along the way if you make the other person smile 😊 / laugh😂 / feel seen 💯 or turned on 😜 . You can use emojis to signal this. You get double points for excellent details or attention 👌Each emoji counts as one point.
Some examples of how it’s worked for me
Some of my games have become intensely hot, some have been ridiculously detailed and hilarious, others have gone down the cute platonic route (hence why I think it could work in an asexual relationship also). I’ve even combined the game with a bit of domination to get my partner to tick things off their to-do list (they don’t get another part of the story until they finish a task).
Relatively vanilla example from early on in a game
The nice thing about it is it allows you to learn more about each other, and adapt your sexting approach based on what you learn from someone’s response - rather than assuming you know what they’d enjoy right now.
It can also offer a space to explore things that are perhaps hard to prioritise and explore when together. There’s often kinky things I want to try with my partners that need lots of time to work out the logistics of - exploring how those things might play out through a game like this first can give the other person permission to bring that into the bedroom.
I’d also love to see more people experimenting with this type of game in long term relationships where intimacy has perhaps fizzled out. I feel like the joint fantasising in a way where one person can express many different desires, and the other person can feel safe to choose what feels best for them, would give people the structure they need to unpack some things that have perhaps been tricky to bring up in other settings.