The beautifully complex emotions of polyamory

One of the joys for me of being polyamorous is the incredibly unique human experiences and nuanced emotions that you experience as a result. It’s intense but being able to experience things that there are simply no words for, where you exist in a space beyond human imagination because no-one ever taught you that script, is liberating.

But with these feelings coming thick and fast as my polyamory grows and expands I thought it’d be a fun process to try to put words to just some of the things I have experienced and will continue to experience on this journey.

Melancholic contentment

Earlier this year I had my first experience of breaking up with a long-term partner while still being partnered with someone else. And while the break up was deeply saddening being able to process that with someone that loves you and who really knew the intricacies of the relationship you were mourning (to the point where they shared in the heartbreak somewhat) was an incredibly healing experience. It brought me and my partner closer together and it also felt like together we were able to give my past relationship the space, closure and respect it deserved.

“Flitty”

Compersion is a common term within Polyamory. But as an anxious person that struggles with knowing how to navigate uncertainty at times, while simultaneously loving adventure and being surprised by all the possibilities that life brings, experiencing my partners dating escapades at a distance brings juicy cocktail of feeling. It’s kind of an exhilarated hopeful fluttery feeling but with a good dose of nervous energy which makes it more flitty … I’ll never forget staying up all night when my partner was on a date and not being able to sleep contentedly until I knew that my partner and their date had had a safe and enjoyable sexual experience together.

Metaorgasmic knowing

Wow I can still feel the deep, loving desire and contentment I felt when two of my partners first kissed each other. And then when ever I heard of or saw them connecting intimately I’d get a kind of orgasmic feeling by proxy because I had experienced sexual desire and orgasms with both of them so had a deep sense of what the two of them would be experiencing together. Given that to each other my partners were originally one another metamours I feel like metaorgasmic describes the sensation I experienced perfectly.

Coupled magnetism

My partner has dated someone who has at times contacted us interchangeably, and someone I dated used to enjoy sex with us both because it felt like he was a massive part of me and that we were one big shared embodiment. I’m realising how affirming it is, and how whole and connected it makes me feel, when people see and enjoy the larger embodiment of me and my soul mates. In return the energy that gets sparked when you and one (or more) of your loved ones develop a deep shared desire for someone else  together brings this whole new layer to experiencing the ways energy and attraction moves. As a result you can start to experience things beyond your individual human form which in my experience unlocks something incredibly spiritual and magical.

Platonic desire

As I practice relationship anarchy the false lines around what type of attraction and connection is valid or approved disintegrate. And with the freedom to explore whatever possibilities I and others wish to I often find myself forming deeper bonds with my friends as I allow myself to feel sexually and intimately attracted at times, even if neither of us want it to lead to any actual physical intimacy. That desire makes me more interested in their sexual fulfilment and in turn it brings us many layers of new conversations to explore and creates a new kind of compersion for me as platonic connections explore their sexual sides with other people.